i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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