Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
