so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
