I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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