just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
