So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
