I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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