who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Kiss
Puke
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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