How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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