life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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