at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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