Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
