i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
