i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
