I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize