your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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