My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
