The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
