you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
