The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
