and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
