I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
