Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
