i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
