Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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