I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
