Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You ruined the universe
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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