Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
