I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
