"it" just moved
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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