so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
