even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
