All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
