Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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