Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
