I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
