When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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