oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
