I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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