the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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