it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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