Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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