You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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