I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
