Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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