I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
