Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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