She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
