A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
