I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
