hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
