Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
