you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
3pm strippers are depressing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
