I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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