I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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