did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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