We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Semen is not good for contacts.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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