Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
