sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
