Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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