Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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