apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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