i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
