My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
