We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
