I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
