SEEEEXXX PLEASE
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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