he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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