Your mouth is God's brothel.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
