is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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