jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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