wat bout pragnant strippers??
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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