i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
