Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
