Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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