i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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