Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
