Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
