i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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