I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
