She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
